Feminism teaches daughters to disrespect Muslim fathers
You love your daughter; you care for her, provide for her, and protect her. These are noble Islamic actions. You are following in the footsteps of the blessed Prophet (saw) Abdullah ibn Abbas (may Allah be pleased with him) narrated
The Prophet (saw) said: If anyone has a female child and does not bury her alive, or slight her, or prefer his male children to her, Allah will bring him into Paradise. (Ahmad, authenticated by Al-Hakim, graded Hasan by Ahmad Shakir)
These beliefs you hold are valuable; they matter. I understand that you are not perfect; only Allah is. But, inshallah, keep doing your best as a father.
I'd like to get your thoughts on something I've noticed. Have you ever thought that wider society nowadays complicates being a father to girls?
When your daughter is little, they love you unconditionally and don’t want to be separated from you. They are the apple of your eye. Always have a smile when they greet you. Being a dad to a young child is so simple, Alhamdulilah. It's probably not a good idea to spoil them and grant their every wish, as this could backfire when they're teenagers.
As a fellow parent and author conducting research for my latest book, Smart Teenage Muslimah. I’ve observed that some ideas begin to interfere with this beautiful dynamic you have with your daughter. What do I mean? What are these ‘ideas’? Inshallah, let's honestly and without judgment explore 3 of them together.
To begin with, dads are stereotyped as idiots in popular culture. The father is frequently targeted by mainstream shows and movies. On the one hand, there's the idiot dad, who has been a television stereotype for as long as I can remember; Homer Simpson and Ted Wheeler from Stranger Things are two examples. Children are not taught to respect their fathers, on the contrary. If your daughter receives that message, she will begin to question your 'intelligence' and authority. How does your adolescent daughter communicate with you? Is she polite and respectful? Does she ignore your questions? There is nothing wrong with you expecting your children to not shout at you, to say please and thank you, and to ask about your day. That is what Islam defines as normal good adaab.
As a teacher, I witnessed firsthand what girls are taught in high school and college and how liberal teachers actively persuade them to become feminists. You may not be aware but as a Muslim father, you are the big bad wolf. Your role as the head of the household is oppressive to your daughters. You are viewed as the patriarchy's gatekeeper; as the famous slogan goes, girls must smash the patriarchy. Can you see how this will affect your relationship with your daughter? I explain exactly what patriarchy is in my Islam and feminism course and how radical feminists hate the traditional family and want to destroy it. I’m not kidding or exaggerating! Liberals actively encourage Muslim youth to choose their own path, question and reject their parent's religious practices, and help themselves, not their parents. No wonder teens in the west benign to see their parents as mere cash machines.
It’s probably one of the worst things a parent can hear when their daughter says, “You can’t tell me what to do!” “Why should I listen to you” As a Muslim father, you are expected to be a silent bystander in the life of your teenage daughter. That is not what Islam teaches us. A ridiculed demographic portrayed as misogynistic and backward if you dare ask questions or assert your parental rights. Sadly, you are only praised when being a cheerleader for your daughter's autonomy.
So, how will you combat liberal feminist views that are undermining your relationship with your daughter? You have a lot of options. Please do not give up hope. Allah is on the side of the righteous. While "how to" lists can be useful, never let yourself be misled into thinking there are guarantees for raising righteous children. Inshallah, simply be proactive in developing your daughter's Islamic personality, as the Prophet (saw) said, "Tie your camel first, and then trust in Allah." Tirmidhi.
Do plenty of dua. Everything begins and ends with dua.
When a learned scholar was recently asked, “What should we teach our children?”, his response was swift and unequivocal — “The seerah (biography of the Prophet) and nasheeds (devotional songs of praise). If your kids love the Prophet, they will automatically love Allah.The best way to call people to Islam is to have them fall in love with the Prophet,” insists another scholar. “Children should fear and love Allah, but teach them about the love first. They can learn about the fear when they’re older. And who loved Allah more than the Prophet (salallaahu alaihi wasallam)?”
Your beloved daughter requires Islamic influences that are positive.
She needs to hear about the Islamic perspective on parents and family from a variety of sources. Be proactive because she is exposed to feminist influences regularly through movies, Netflix, social media, school, and so on.
Teach her the deen on a regular basis: enrol her in courses, buy her books, attend Islamic gatherings, converse with her, find an Islamic youth club for her to join at the masjid. So you can protect your daughter from being influenced by feminism take a look at my Islam and feminism course. You can watch it together and discuss the ideas.
Teach her to respect you by setting a good example and admitting when you make a mistake.
As I said, I am currently writing a new book Smart Single Muslimah addressing the challenges our daughters face. I need your duas and support. Inshallah, the book will help your daughter become a confident Muslimah. I have included a donation link below so you can share in the reward of helping me publish the book. Please share the link with other parents.
Your sister Farhat Amin